Exile in Geeksville

Ok, I haven’t come up for the title of this yet, Its about my future, which of course is unknown. I thought about calling it My Undiscoverd Country - but that is really a reference to life after death, and that’s not really how i want to think about my romantic life. I don;t want to call it Letters to Found Loves’ well because I am more original than that, plus i don’t want found loves. I do want to find someone I eventually share my life with, but I also want to find people who share my interests, and sense of adventure and humor. Like everyone else I want to belong - Even those of who staunchly reject social norms and conventions find ways of sharing common interests (and the internet has been a great place for them.)

Finding a name is important thing. Names define and empower us. Titles reflect what the content and intention is (one can only speculate what I was thinking when I came up with Exile in Geeksville I guess)

So I looked to others for examples and in looking I found some interesting blogs I want to take a moment to share with you.

- This Fish Needs A Bicycle - This is the Blog of one Heather Hunter, It chronicles the last 6 years of her life or so, starting with her break up with “J” (Jimmy Carter? JJ from Good Times? the Joker?) I don’t know if she ever reveals who he is, I am only two years into her archive and he is still “J” Psuedonyms like this in a blog confuse me, because everyone who knows her, knows who “J” is, and those who don’t have no clue, why hide his identity?

- Just Waiting to be Screwed Over - The Blog of a very pessimist dater from Canada - I can’t help but think the attitude going is going to affect the outcome.

- Grow Some Testicles - Four single young ladies have figured out the secret to dating in New York: Gentlemen, grow some testicles - Apparently these bloggers have moved on to some new things, but I am looking forward to seeing what they had to say

there are tons of them out there - and i enjoyed some of them, but I don’t want to be just another I am single in the city boo hoo blogs - That is part of the reason I have Geeksville be about more than just that. Stuff is happening for me. Some of it is exciting, some of its scary, some of it just sucks, but as Mr. Ted “Theodore” Logan said, “Strange things are afoot at the Circle K”

Stay tuned…

hey there blog buddies -

Thank you thank you thank you for all your support again,  so many of you have given me so much in the ways that you all could, and I am eternally grateful.

But that doesn’t make up for the lack of COUNTDOWNS. So….

RETURNS!

So  lets quick catch up, I am temping and I hate it, but I knew I would when I started.  So I sally forth.

Things are slowly coming together for me on the homefront, as I catch up after 8 months of touring.   I am looknig into the possiblity of getting a roommate,  now since I have a 1 bedroom, that means I may need to move, unless I become very close to a single female anytime soon (no don’t have one in particular in mind). That being said, I have shared my place short term with friends before,  folks who needed a place to stay while they were in town for a week a month ever a couple of days, and I will continue that offer as long as folks need it.  (think of it as staying at Dave’s Bronx B&B)

I know many of you have expressed concern about my mother.  She is still in chemo, but responding as well as we could have hoped.  Her spirits are strong, and positive, and she is looking forward to the family vacation she had planned before she became ill, in August, when she will go with my sisters and their families to Myrtle Beach, SC for a week.

GEEKSVILLE -  its coming back don’t you worry, I have 2 reviews sitting on my desk that need proofing,  A comic and that second half of the Doctor Who finale.

LOST LOVE -  Well I said in the last one, I think I am done with that now,  I have been looking to my past to figure out what I had been doing wrong there, and It has served me well -  I do have a new series planned to follow up on it.  I think if you like to read the MISSED CONNECTIONS on craigslist.org  yo may like this. LOL

JOB HUNT -  That is the next project,  I am temping yes, I have no intentions of staying in the place forever tho, so expect to hear about what it takes to re-invent yourself in today’s job market.

Ok  much peace to you all -

The Countdown continues…..

My Dears,

I have spent the couple of years or so rehashing the times we shared with one another, and if I had realized that what I started here was going to lead to all of this… well I don’t know, but I do know that I  have come to a conclusion -  I have written everyone of you that I every truly and honestly been in love with, and believed that you loved me back.  I could keep going on with this,  cause there were many more not so great loves in my life, and a few unrequited loves that burnt bright.  But to keep this special I think this has to end here….

I hope someday (someday soon) I find someone that I can make it really happy with.  Someone who excepts my idiosyncratic behavior.  Some one who shares  my passion for knowledge and understanding. Someone who rocks a pair of keds and t shirt as much as she does the little black dress.  Someone who knows it good to be a little bad sometimes.

I have been looking back for that person,  I should be looking forward

When my life settles down in a bit - I will start looking.  And when I do, I may start a new series here.  But that doesn’t mean you can’t come find me first.

Its mid May -  and I am still on the road, still away from my family, during a particularly trying time at home.

I have always lived my life with the idea that there was plenty of time to do everything I want.    But now I know that is not the case.

I never thought that my mother wouldn’t be there for my wedding, to be a grandmother to my kids…

But like so many other things in my life, I chose small.  I managed to stay safe and surround myself with things I think I want. So why do I still want those things?

I never really thought I would be 36 years old and still single. But if you know anything about me you know I have a history of avoiding taking the next step.  Personally, professionally,  i just want things to be easy, I don’t know where this work ethic developed.  But it has made me a concilliator and a diplomat.

I can handle hard! - I am smart- scary smart sometimes, and because of it certain things came easy to me early in life,  and because of that I did not have to try as hard as others.  I never was challanged early….

I am looking for that great challenge!

This is a letter I wrote on my other blog, on my myspace. Its part of a series, letters to women with whom I have had relationships with. Relationships that ended, most likely due to something stupid I did. - want to read more of them? Go to my myspace blog If you like this, I will put some of the other letters here

Dear Susannah,

Yes I have already devoted an entire blog to you.

Lost touch with my old friend…

Now that blog was about how you up and left all your friends and how I was looking for where you may have gone -

This is me, talking to you directly -

Soozie,  I wish I could do it over with you, and I don’t say that often. I felt maybe, once, you and I could have, may have had, a real future.

We started as friends, mostly because I never had the nerve to actually ask you out. I did however make friends with you and your friends (and those friendships with people like Joanie and her sister, Beth, and others took on their own special lives). So our friendship brought a lot to my life. Then we started to get closer - I was never around enough to make you feel that I was serious about you. My work has ruined many a relationship, I know that. I wish I didn’t play of . I wish I didn’t try to cram weeks of dating into one weekend when I could…

Wherever you are I am hope you are hap…

No, wherever you are I hope you get in touch with me. Let me know you are happy.

Love,

David

Week 46  to Midlife Crisis– Love and the modern Geek

The past few Countdowns have been focusing on my professional life, what shows I am doing, who I am working with etc,  while I know what you all want to hear about is the many romantic conquests being a Eligible Geek in NYC affords me.

I am single, obviously, and that is by choice.

Ok stop laughing now, no really stop laughing…

It really is a choice, not that I don’t want to be in a relationship, its I don’t have the time, or the stability of lifestyle to truly have the type of relationship I would want to have. Finding fulfillment in all aspects of anyone’s life, personal, professional, and any other facets of one’s life simultaneously

I have blogged in general about relationships, sometimes in reaction to specific events going on in my life,

To be honest my track record when it comes to women is not great, I do have a habit of getting my heart involved with women who don’t or can’t reciprocate.

My now infamous 3 rules of dating had really curtailed my social activities for a while, and while not completely abandoning them, I now  use them as a guideline, but I won’t date anyone who breaks all three rules – I just can’t see me doing that.

So who have I been dating lately?  No one regularly,  and I have been stood up a couple times in the past month,  I haven’t really been putting myself out there too much. Its so time consuming isn’t it? Meeting some one, wooing them, building the emotional connections to make, and then by the time I get something resembling a romance going, I usually end up having to leave town for a few months for work. (some of you in my biz may be familiar with that, or maybe you are someone who has gone through it with me)  And because of that I have been prone to dating women who I have already know, and feel there may be a connection with.  It saves a lot of time,  date 1 seems more like date 5.

There are 19 women on my “top friends” on my myspace page - of them I have been romantically involved  with 5 of them but am not at this time, 2 of those are now married. 1 of them I have occasional hook up relationship with, when our schedules allow, and 9 others I would be interested  in, if it probably wouldn’t destroy any friendship I currently have with them.  And that is just the ones in the top 24!

I seem to value those friendships, even tho, to be honest, I don’t think I would have started them, if I didn’t, on some level find myself attracted to them.  I commented once, that men and women don’t often become friends,  or that men become friends with women they are attracted to, and women become friends with men they do not .

That is not to say that I don’t think of these women as real friends or anything - I do.  If I didn’t I would probably be aggressive about persuing one of them romantically, but I play it safe - keep them as friends. 

I have been thinking about dating a lot lately.

I do date, believe it or not. But I will be honest, my track record when it comes to dating is not stellar. I get good first dates, and then second dates go well - then I get busy with rehearsals, or even worse, leave town for a show and before you know it, its been 6 weeks since I seen her, and she goes and gets married or something. You may have read some of my earlier blogs about some of the women in my (distant) past. And yes, I do intend to write the next letter soon (its coming stop nagging). I just wanted to take this moment to address my dating future

I live in New York City and according someone’s research, there are 81 single men for every 100 women in Manhattan. Women live longer than men so that should explain a part of that gap. There are also more gay men than gay women (about 4 gay men to 1 lesbian) in NYC so the numbers are in flux and hard to quantify.

So by all means I should be able to find someone I would want to date. In fact I would say that I have found lots of women I would like to date, and that is part of the problem, I would like to date a lot of them. I don’t mean jut sex either. I have had sex (really I have) I have had sex with some very attractive, funny, sweet, sexy women (I have to! Stop laughing) I have actually found it easier to find someone to have sex with than it is to find someone who just wants to go out and be goofy with.

But I have all these amazing women in my life, some of them are close friends and some of them are single (and I can’t for the life of me figure out why), And while I enjoy having some of these people in my life casually, I will admit I have thought about asking them out. And while fear of rejection and ruining a good friendship is a factor, it is not the main reason I don’t ask these women out.

Its sad, but the reason I don’t ask many of these women out it socio-economic. A friend told me once, “Women date up, Men date down” Women date men who are more likely to match their lifestyle, while men date women who don’t threaten their masculinity by making more money then they do.

And while I am not threatened by a woman who makes more money than I do, I want to be able to at least go outwith a girl for lunch or drinks and not have to do the math to figure out if I can have the potato skins and another Guiness without making my rent check bounce.

So as with all things, its my inabilty to crack into more lucrative work in theatre or writing that is keeping me from what I want. Yet I keep doing the same thing.

Wow that whole blog to just say - being poor sucks!

(this blog is also on Myspace)

I wrote this blog over 2 years ago, back on my old friendster blog - which I haven’t done much with in the last year, because I mostly moved over to my Myspace blog, but this blog says a lot about me and what I am looking for. I will probably reference it in the future, so I am putting it here too.

For 18 months I lived by these rules, and over that span of time i had exactly 2 dates. But I still believe in the spirit of them - so as an addendum lets just say I won’t date anyone who breaks ALL THREE of these rules, and if she breaks rule 1, she can’t break rule 2 or 3.

1 June 2005

- I have three rules when it comes to dating…

• Rule 1) I don’t date people I work with
• Rule 2) I don’t date actresses.
• Rule 3) I don’t date anyone born after Star Wars came out.

And in saying that, I know I am going to end up with and actress I meet on the job who will be at least 8 years younger than me. Do I really know that? No, of course not. Since I am 33 and I have not had a relationship last longer than 3 months in the last 4 years I am not sure if at this rate if I will ever get married.

So now you are asking, David, where on earth did you get these rules? And why on earth do you think you will end up breaking them

Well let’s start at the beginning…

There was this woman, (isn’t that how most stories start?) and I think that pretty much sums up the how…

…in all honestly, I was jerk, and it was my fault things went completely bad, and since then we have reconciled as friends.

So why these rules? Well lets see

Rule 1) I don’t date people I work with

This rule should be self expanitory. If you have to ask, then you just don’t get it.

Rule 2) I don’t date actresses.

This rule may confuse you. David aren’t actress hot? Usually. But they are also fairly high maintainence and unstable. (they make their living by pretending to be other people) Some of my best friends are actors, but they are fucking nuts.

Rule 3) I don’t date anyone born after the original Star Wars came out.

(May 25, 1977 if you were wondering)Now I am sure you are wondering, why Star Wars? Why don’t I just say I won’t date anybody 6 years younger than me? It’s a mindset. For good or bad, Star Wars is a major landmark of the cultural landscape of America. It has invaded our collective conscience, the way we look at movies, marketing, and technology.

Think about it, this spring the class of 2005 graduated from colleges around the world. Lets figure the average age of a college graduate is around 22, which means they were born in 1983.Let me say that again. 1983! Reagan’s America has just started, Cable television was beginning its invasion into American homes. Home computers such as the Apple II-C and the Commodore Vic 20 were just being introduced, with a whopping 8 KB of ram! Those born in the late 70’s and early 80’s cultural identity was forged in the 80’s,

The things that were introduced during my generation’s formative years, are taken for granted by this latest entrants to the working and social worlds of adults. They don’t remember the gas crises of the 70’s. Most of them have probably never written a letter long hand to send to a friend, heck kids don’t even pass notes in class anymore, they text message each other. Probably never lived in a house without cable.