S.O.S – Saving One’s Self
This is not an abandoned blog.
I used to fancy myself a writer. But I haven’t been moved to write much lately. I am going to change that.
I am going to be completely honest with you. My life is tragically of course. There has been no big thing that has derailed tho. Just a series of little things. Wrong choices, bad decisions… I am now just getting back to where I wanted to be 10 years ago. I see that me, in 1990’s, already having made some bad choices, but the normal things people do in their early 20’s, nothing that was insurmountable. I knew what the mistakes were. I just couldn’t see the long term concesquences.
I, like most people, tend to think of myself as good person, with a reasonable moral center. I always thought of myself as the hero in the story. But my own myopic sense, did not see the road ahead, where I was going. I made safe choices, took the easiest road. My choices were influenced by fear, and selfishness. I told myself I was sacrificing opportunities for a noble end.
I was just afraid. Afraid of risk. Real risk. And without real risk, There is no real reward in life.
So, here I am. closing in on 40, alone, and adrift.
I have held on to the belief that, someone would be the lighthouse, leading me to where I am suppose to be.
So I spent the last 10 years as a hopeless myopic romantic.
I can’t save anyone else, if I can’t save myself.